Favourite Engineering quotes.

"Honest Chief it came away in me hand"

"Its never done that before"

Not quite sre if all these are politically correct - but never mind someone might find them funny............

Understanding Engineers - One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be

Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word withhim." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Four ( this one was done earlier)

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers

believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

SORRY!

Advice when I couldn't do what he always seemed to do easily: 'You just have to hold your mouth right'.

Definition of Preventative maintenance: 'Taking the equipment to pieces every 2000 hours to see why it's still working'!

Best regards,

Swarf, Mostly!

Aeronautical engineer Sir Sydney Camm said of the TSR-2: "All modern aircraft have four dimensions: span, length, height and politics. TSR-2 simply got the first three right."

A quote from an old engineer “ If it don’t knock a bit and don,t rattle then it aint going proper” - He worked on Steam and first age Gas Oil

ISTR that he was brother of F.J. Camm editor of many technical hobby magazines.

Russell.

Oooh, don't strain it lad -- use a bigger hammer. (Sarky old foreman when I was a lad)

In theory, theory is the same as practice. In practice, it ain't. (Yogi Berra)

The Ark was designed by an amateur, the Titanic was designed by engineers.

Edited By jason udall on 18/09/2014 13:43:52

Over the last dozen or so years I'v been assisting in building an agricultural machine for feed out large square bails of hay, our testing system is to send the machine off with the farmer, so he can do his best to break it, it's usually the farm labourer who manages to do it. We'v got it fairly right now. Ian S C

It always makes me smile when looking at the build quality of military equipment. It has to be reliable in battlefield conditions but also has to be 'squaddie proof'

Mike

If you think you have designed it to be idiot proof.......then you have probably underestimated the resourcefulness of the average idiot. anon

If you can't make it right, make it bright

Many years ago when I used to help service narrow boats for hire, I learnt from an old timer that there were several degrees of quality. There was idiot proof, then came squaddie proof, then best of all hirer proof! Some of which you wondered how they got to be old enough to hire.

Found this one, today ...

Joseph Whitworth [to his BlackSmith, whose shop was untidy]:

“Remember this, Charlesworth, the busier you are the tidier you should be.”

MichaelG.

Well sod that for a game of soldiers, I'm not changing my name to Charlesworth for anyone..............................

Me to, neither. Ian S C

Nice little quote from a Civil Engineer colleague today that made me chuckle after some gentle ribbing from me over a minor cock-up..... "Even engineers make mistakes, that's why they fit rubbers on pencils!!"

Martin.

Edited By Brian Abbott on 25/09/2014 21:02:39

short while ago one of maintenance guys had to repair the table lift on an old milling machine, on completion he continued to raise the table on doing so there was a scream from the gears, apparently that's the ' newness '