Virus Alert Levels

Hi All,

A pal just sent me this, it may lighten things up a bit!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to the recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Cheers, Martin

"LIKE"

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Credit where it's due..........

The original was from the great John Cleese, back in around 2013, I think.

I like this

George.

The version I saw had a final comment.

Russia has stated "It wasn't us"

Well, they would say that, wouldn't they?

Another big like here too!

Very good! We must a well balanced lot with a sense of humour, some would be offended and calling for no platform but they are probably busy down the supermarket.

Mike

+1

What did you do during the virus war Dad?

Well Son, I had the most dangerous job of all.

I was tail gunner on a truck load of bog paper

World needs more 'Stralians and Scots. On Our side naturally.

This one perhaps sums up the UK action?

**LINK**

Perhaps not, as we are now finding out...

An American pen-friend asked me about panic.

" Panic ?" I replied. " Panic buying yes, but not otherwise. We Britons do not panic. It's not our way. Instead we grumble about it, have another cup of tea then get on with what needs doing! "

I reckon we were slow off the mark as usual, from the word go there should have been lock-down - folks arriving at airports weren't being checked, I won't be surprised if things get worse we ain't seen nothing yet.

All our local stores had ran out of loo paper and many other stuff, bags of empty shelf's. Ah, well, an excuse for the government to raise the tax. I was quite surprised to see one chemist had shut it's doors with a notice on it's shutters.... right next door to two doctors surgeries and health clinic.at that.

Dave

Well our Prime Minister just enacted the final escalation. Things must be getting serious.

No worries here...ive got Bitdefender Premium virus protection!!

If I get it I want my money back for Norton Antivirus