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Ady110/07/2012 00:21:29
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6137 forum posts
893 photos

You put it all back together again and it works fine and those extra nuts and bolts you found lying about after the rebuild don't seem to have mattered after all

Edited By Ady1 on 10/07/2012 00:24:04

Ady110/07/2012 00:27:54
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6137 forum posts
893 photos

You spend 4 hours rebuilding a widget you could have got for a quid in poundland

Ian S C10/07/2012 09:42:25
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7468 forum posts
230 photos

I help the bloke I do some work for each year reparing angle grinders that he go for about $NZ15, any we do get going are then worth about $NZ40 and will last about 6 months.

Or this morning I woke up after dreaming about what I'd do if I had to sell up my workshop, and move the lathe and mill out. Ian S C

Steve Garnett10/07/2012 10:17:48
837 forum posts
27 photos

A Doctor, Social Worker and an Engineer arrive at their golf club early one morning for a quick round. But in front of them on the first tee are three people who appear to be blind, and the greenkeeper is doing his best to help them.

After quite a long wait, these three eventually manage to tee off, and are heading off approximately towards where their balls went. So our three quietly ask the greenkeeper what's going on. "Oh, don't you remember the bad accident when the clubhouse was rebuilt? These three were working on it at the time, and had their eyes badly damaged in the flying debris - they're virtually blind. Since then we've let them play here free."

The Doctor is horrified. He says "I must get them into my surgery at once and see if there's anything at all I can do for them."

The Social Worker is equally concerned. He says "I must check up on their disability benefits, and make sure that they're getting everything they're entitled to."

The Engineer isn't quite so impressed. He just says "Why can't they play at night?"

Gordon W10/07/2012 10:37:08
2011 forum posts

I do not believe that story. No engineer could afford to play golf.

Ady110/07/2012 10:37:42
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6137 forum posts
893 photos

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"

The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.

Edited By Ady1 on 10/07/2012 10:38:56

David Clark 110/07/2012 10:46:36
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3357 forum posts
112 photos
10 articles

An Engineer would not waste time playing golf.

(Unless he was the boss of an engineering company.)

regards David

Edited By David Clark 1 on 10/07/2012 10:46:49

Richard Parsons10/07/2012 12:10:17
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645 forum posts
33 photos

When a Manager says “You cannot do/make that that it will not work” The Engineer is the person who replies “I wish you had told me that last week I would not have wasted my time making two of them” and then adding “Oh by the way they work!”.

Geoff Theasby10/07/2012 12:58:01
615 forum posts
21 photos

when you don't throw away the pump-action soap dispenser from the bathroom, because it has all that precision engineering in the pump, and you buy liquid soap in bulk as a consequence.

John Firth10/07/2012 13:13:32
2 forum posts

Your Wife takes you to the Rijks Museum In Amsterdam, to see the paintings of the fabulous Dutch artists, and looks at you in utter amazemant when she finds you pouring all over the 'newly installed all glass' hydrualic lifts instead.

Ian S C10/07/2012 13:49:37
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7468 forum posts
230 photos

Gordon, if the engineer is a consultant for a govement department, he can well aford a game of golf, he could proberbly own the golf course. Ian S C

mick10/07/2012 17:53:01
421 forum posts
49 photos

A line from one of Clive James songs has always stayed with me "forty years of metal tends to get under your skin and the green cleansing jelly only goes to rub it in!"

Steve Garnett10/07/2012 20:25:03
837 forum posts
27 photos
Posted by Gordon W on 10/07/2012 10:37:08:

I do not believe that story. No engineer could afford to play golf.

I think you may be mistaking the playing of golf with being a member of a golf club... 9 holes of golf on a public course really doesn't cost a lot.

And as for being a 'waste of time' - I don't think this has been thought through, because actually it isn't. If you spend all day sitting at a desk, or stuck in your shed hardly moving, then the lack of exercise will probably increase your blood pressure, and almost certainly won't improve your general health. Half a round of golf once a week doesn't take too long, and if you carry your clubs and do a reasonable job of playing, you'll get enough exercise to set you up for at least the next couple of days, and you'll almost certainly increase your longevity.

Doesn't have to be golf - any form of regular cardiovascular exercise will help. There are other benefits too - you'll find that generally your brain functions better if you do this regularly. Chances are that you'll get back all of the time you spent exercising as a result of this.

Have to say that I wasn't convinced about any of this until I actually tried it - and over a few months it made more difference than I would have credited at all.

Stub Mandrel10/07/2012 21:13:19
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4318 forum posts
291 photos
1 articles

When:

You make your own brake pipes because you don't trust someone else to do it.

You treat 'we fit it for free' as a personal insult.

You change a nut because you don't want anyone to see the stlilson/mole grip marks on it.

You finally work up the courage to change a valve!

Your car was better because the most complex electrical component was the flasher relay.

When you choose the place to buy tyres for your car because they use a wheelbrace to nip up the bolts, not a 30-second blast on the air-wrench.

Nothing gives you more satisfaction than doing all your MOT work yourself.

Neil

Edited By Stub Mandrel on 10/07/2012 21:14:28

Jim Greethead10/07/2012 22:12:06
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131 forum posts
8 photos

Best thing about golf is that if you tee off at 0630 on a Sunday morning, you are finished by 1030 and don't feel guilty about having a beer in the clubhouse.

Jim

Ian Hewson11/07/2012 09:37:34
354 forum posts
33 photos

Wish my golf club bar opened at 10-30!!

Ian

John Firth11/07/2012 10:39:24
2 forum posts

As an Engineer ages it's not uncommon at times of stress to have the thoughts that Horse Power seemed to be a whole lot better when the horses had control over it.

ZigFire11/07/2012 11:15:03
32 forum posts

You know you are an engineer when... you sign your cheques in pencil.

keithmart11/07/2012 11:18:54
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165 forum posts

LAST MUNF I COUDN'T EVEN SPELL INJINEER, NOW I ARE ONE!

Gordon W11/07/2012 11:18:58
2011 forum posts

Playing golf does not make you live longer, just feels like it. BTW living in Scotland can't get get away from it. Try explaining to your golfer friend why you have spent all day repairing ,say , the lawn mower instead of just buying a new one.

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