Other uses of common tools

TOOLS AND HOW TO USE THEM

SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also good for Digit Removal
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Add : Adjustable Wrench., also known as an American Spanner. The were banned from my (Aust. Military) workplace when I was a young digger. I still try to avoid them if possible. Almost as deadly as Vice grips on a nut.

I also learned that it is good practice to look after one's nuts and take all precautions to ensure that they stay intact.

* Danny M *

I believe ze Germans refer to an adjustable spanner as an "Englander"

Hello Graham Warton.

In Portugal we call the adjustable spanner "chave Inglesa" meaning english spanner. And if you use Google translate from English to Portuguese that's what you'll find.
Also if you use Google translate to translate "adjustable spanner" to German the result will be "verstellbarer Schraubenschlüssel". The retrotranslation gives you back the "adjustable spanner".

Best regards
Dias Costa

(reaching for my handy Nederlands Engels book...)

Engelse sleutel - monkey wrench, spanner.

Engels == English

Sleutel == Key.

*Never* heard adjustable spanners called by anything else, at least nothing else fit to print!

The hammer is the most useful device ever invented for self inflicted pain.

Hammer also known as the "Birmingham screwdriver".

And my wife reminds me that screwdrivers are for stirring paint and glue.

I thought thats what mortice chisels were for.

My wife uses my new stock threaded rod to stir paint! She always seems to pick the one I need for the next job too! She uses my watchmakers screwdrivers to clean accumulated dirt from those narrow gaps (that you can't get anything else in!). In her defense, I have used her hairdryer when I have left the sunroof open and it rained, her tights to strain fuel drained from tanks, various kitchen containers to drain old oil into, knives, forks and spoons for stripping paint and removing old grease etc.etc.

Exactly! I found a brand new mortice chisel in a skip having been used once to open a tin of brown paint and then stirring it then being chucked in the skip, five minutes of cleaning and I have a brand new chisel. also found some blocks of brass and blocks of aluminium in a skip, they had been used as eddy current blocks and tossed in the skip when the job was done, ps I always ask if I can have a firkle in a skip and most times people are happy to let you.

Happy New Year

Hammer Paddy's (irishmans) precision instrument,the larger the size the greater precision.

Couple of terms I've used years ago...

'Manchester Spanner' ... Oxy / acetylene cutting torch

Calibrated 'G' clamp... Outside micrometer

G.

When my brother-in-law was in the army as a Royal Engineer he was seconded to United States. He found that the yanks could not grasp the meaning of a 'knocking stick' or 'stick of inches'.

Regards Luigi

I’ve heard of arc welding being referred to as electric glue.

Regards,

Sam

AKA 'gas axe'

Almost the same as Sam:

MIG/MAG welding we always called "Blue Glue" or use the "Blue Glue" gun.

In Oz - Oxy Torch = Hot Axe

* Danny M *

My grandfather in Scotland referred to a Glasgow screwdriver/ a hammer. He was a Plumber at Brown & Polsons, Paisely. Ian S C