Hobby related jokes

One afternoon, an engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his, also an engineering student, who said, "Wow! That sure is a great bike. Where did you get it?"

"Well, the darndest thing happened," said the first engineering student. "A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted."

"Wow," remarked his friend. "That's great. Good move. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

I always remember that a new Triumph Tiger motorbike in 1973 cost £437 - I used to spend ages looking at one in the dealer's window in Camberwell. A quick look shows that new Triumphs cost between £8,000 - £10,000 so not wildly different to the price increase on Phil's 1973 Myford at £380 that now costs £8,000 plus VAT.

Nick

Bank Of England Inflation Calculator

£380 in 1973 = £4,368.98 in 2017

You can buy a really good 5" chuck (Pratt Burnerd / Bison) for 300 quid (including vat) in todays money and a motor is around £150 for something still made in the UK, add in £1000 quid for a stand and a really posh hand polished powder coat / paint job and a bit under 500 quid for the inverter, control gear and chuck guard.

Nope, still can't get anywhere near that 9780 quid

A model engineer walks into a bar.

"Damn," he says. "So that's where the one-inch silver steel got to."

Edited By Hopper on 27/02/2018 12:10:11

I always liked Neville Shute's description of an engineer, something like: A chap who can do for 10 bob what any fool could do for a Pound.

But much prefer Tom Robbins' description in the book "Skinny Legs and All" of: The kind of guy who could mend the hinges on the gates of Hell if need be. (I have always tried to be that guy. )

There is a seperate thread for the myford and its cost .

I have got the message that it is over priced, have decided against it so thank you one and all.

Anybody know a good joke, apart from the cost of a myford, so we can get this thread back on track please ?

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."

The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine them to see if there's anything I can do for them."

They were silent for a moment.

Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

If you have to explain a joke then it isn't funny.

Huh. He will of course have enquired with Purchasing, to make sure to specify a material only available on a 26-week leadtime - he knows he's not allowed to use real Unobtainium.

The machinist won't be squealing until Production Control are already off sick with stress-related symptoms.

Know the one about the new supersonic fighter that the wings kept falling off? No one could figure it out, all the calcs said it should work, so in desperation they held a competition for suggestions. Loads of ideas came in and they all failed. At last the boss was just about to admit defeat, but asked if there wasn't just one idea they hadn't tried? Well, they said, there was only old Joe the cleaner's, but what did he know and anyway, it was such a silly idea... "Never mind that, just try it!" he said. So they did, drilling a row of small closely spaced holes along each wing root. So they flew the plane and it worked perfectly, no sign of any break up any more, problem solved. They awarded Joe the big prize, and the chief engineer sidled up to him afterwards and asked how he know what do do? "Well, you don't clean the bogs round this place for 50 years without learning that toilet paper never tears along the perforations...."

From my nephew, an auto mechanic:

An automotive engineer would climb over 10 naked women to screw an auto mechanic.

Yet quoting 1132 characters to add one line of piffle is?

Excuse me I shall have to go to A&E as my sides have surely split

Boys, Boys! Play nicely now.

You counted them?

Hey, don't knock the £8,150 ML7B connoisseurs! Folks were willing to pay £50,000 for Hardinge HLV-H 5.5x24 lathes.

PS:- My HLV (no -H) cost £150 plus 4 years of work to re-build it.

Edited By Mark Rand on 28/02/2018 00:26:45

Cmon Mick, that's a low blow.

It's better to take time off than being run into the ground like some people are.

To add another joke; 

"I used to think the air was free... until I bought a packet of crisps!" 

Michael W

Edited By Michael-w on 28/02/2018 10:58:41

Wouldn't dispute that for a moment. ProdCon was a hard row to hoe, leastways with manual MRP/CRP and no Firm Planned timefences.

Edited By Mick B1 on 28/02/2018 19:06:57

As an engineer I try to design things that are idiot proof.

Trouble is, they are making better idiots !

Luigi.