Hobby related jokes

Arty? Some people think a sandwich can be a "designer" item!

I stumbled acros this one today - and thought it brilliant:

"Joe? He started his apprenticeship before the Dead Sea even reported in sick."

pgk

Question paper:-

Question 4. Do you know any other number systems besides decimal? If you do, turn to page 6 otherwise continue on page VI.

Definition of an Expert, X = unknown quantity and a spert is a drip under pressure.

Ex as in has been, sprurt .........

I think it's the kind of "oh look at me, I got something that was made so thoughtfully" kind of logic, broken down into simplicity of course.

Michael W

I saw an RAC Patrolman parked in his van. He was looking at his SatNav and sobbing uncontrollably.

I thought " he's heading for a breakdown"

8,000 Pounds for a Myford lathe.

Not funny.

Years ago, they would've laughed and now it's true!

Michael W

Yep, that really is Machine Tools For The People, ain't it just?

You're right - not really a joke, it's a hopeless shame.

The lakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position

Myford lathe only a poor copy of a Atlas which has power cross feed

How much is one of the new ones then?

Edited By Dave Halford on 27/02/2018 10:52:23

Using the manufacturing techniques Myford used to use you might see why 8k was the price to the customer.

But with the 'new Myford' it's difficult to see how it's ended up the same price. For sure it's a lot more 'complicated' than a boxy relatively rough piece of cast iron from the far east, and it's almost certainly better finished but it's one hell a lot of money for not much metal. It only comes with one chuck and is powered by a 0.75kW motor.

But it's not actually '8k' its actually 8150 + VAT

A staggering £9780

To put that in perspective for 30k (plus VAT) you can buy a very capable (far east built with UK support) 3 axis CNC vertical machining centre with an 18" x 14" x 14" axis travel, an 8k CAT40 spindle with a 7.5kW motor (machine weight 2.6 tonne) or for that same 30k (plus VAT) a CNC turning centre that will swing a foot diameter, a foot long, with a 12 station turret, with a 6000rpm spindle powered by a 13kW motor (machine weight 3.2 tonne)

Of course neither of those will sit in the corner of a tiny shed but 9780 quid for just 180kg of machinery? That's 54 quid per kg or £24.50 per pound or £1.50 per ounce

nearly gets you one of warco's finest;

**LINK**

I agree, completely ridiculous when compared to the modern market.

Michael W

Edited By Michael-w on 27/02/2018 11:32:56

The Designer

The designer sat at his drafting board
A wealth of knowledge in his head was stored
Like "What can be done on a radial drill
Or a turret lathe or a vertical mill?"
But above all things a knack he had
Of driving gentle machinists mad.
So he mused as he thoughtfully scratched his bean
"Just how can I make this thing hard to machine?"
If I make this perfect body straight
The job had ought to come out first rate
But would be so easy to turn and bore
That it would never make a machinist sore
So I'll put a compound taper there
And a couple of angles to make them swear
And brass would work for this little gear
But its too damned easy to work I fear
So just to make the machinist squeal
I'll make him mill it from tungsten steel
And I'll put these holes that hold the cap
Down underneath where they can't be tapped
Now if they can make this it'll just be luck
Cause it can't be held by dog or chuck
And it can't be planed and it can't be ground
So I feel my design is unusually sound.
And he shouted in glee, "Success at last!
This goddam thing can't even be cast.',

As this thread seems to have wandered slightly, I thought that I would add that in 1973 when I bought my Super 7 supplied new by an ironmongers in Worthing it cost me from memory about £380. As a basic machine it didn't come with any chucks or even a motor, however you did get a faceplate, catch plate and a couple of centres but I can't remember if it had a drive dog. An expensive piece of kit that was unusable as supplied.

Phil

What is the definition of an engineer? Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.