Just read this "beginners guide" and laughed a lot!

Mmmn - these things do happen to young newcomers.

The Royal Signals used to maintain the cable connections between Hong Kong Island and Kowloon which ran under the harbour by the Star Ferry. There was a particularly foul (and deep) manhole where it came ashore on the Island. It was occasional practice to induct some poor 'milk-bottle' (e.g. a white knee newbie) by getting the Chinese line crew to place a short length of bright yellow cable into either side of the entry/exit holes at the bottom of this smelly and extremely hot sump.

Someone in Kowloon would then phone the Comms Centre at Central Barracks and announce that there was a "creeping dis" (disconnection) on it's way. The hapless technician was then dispatched with a pair of cable cutters and a "Butt" (portable line phone) and told to await it. It was stressed that absolute timing was essential and the poor lad had to sit down the bottom of the pit listening to the 'countdown' for the slowly approaching 'dis' - he then had to cut the harbour side of the yellow cable, quickly followed by the land side.

Returning to the Comms Centre with the 'creeping dis' safely trapped in the cut cable length - the young technician was greeted loudly by cheering work mates. Generally, only then did the awful truth start to dawn on them.....

I'm sure things like this wouldn't happen in these enlightened days though - would they?

Regards,

IanT

Martin,

I caused this one myself many years ago! My Triumph Herald developed a leaking fuel tank, so, in order to drain it prior to removal and repair, I applied a spanner to the drain plug, and when I applied pressure the whole drain pipe twisted out of the tank and dropped a couple of gallons of petrol into the plastic bowl hurriedly placed beneath. Petrol and polythene...? Not only that, but the petrol then began dissolving my Dad's tarmac drive!

Geoff

Martin,

I caused this one myself many years ago! My Triumph Herald developed a leaking fuel tank, so, in order to drain it prior to removal and repair, I applied a spanner to the drain plug, and when I applied pressure the whole drain pipe twisted out of the tank and dropped a couple of gallons of petrol into the plastic bowl hurriedly placed beneath. Petrol and polythene...? Not only that, but the petrol then began dissolving my Dad's tarmac drive!

Geoff

The Mention of Michael Oxley in this thread made me smile. Who can forget his "Why not a computer for Christmas"? It was a lengthy article, very funny! He often included elaborate staged photos in his writings. I also remember a letter from him being published, in which he claimed to have a lathe that was once his grandfathers; it had a 2" centre height and was ,I believe, 17 feet between centres! Originally used for turning pike handles in Woolwich Arsenal. Brilliant!

Maurice

When my Marina was written off many years ago, I drained the petrol and plugged the fuel pipe with a pencil. A week or two later I came back for a refill, and the pencil had become so flexible it was almost as if it was made of rubber!

that would have been useful for writing around corners. You used to be able to buy 'flexible pencils' from Ellisons joke factory.
BobH

Our stores only had a counter window and the entrance door was away right at the back . Charlie the store man had one of those hearing aids of the early 60s that were worn in the breast pocket with a cable up to the earpiece and had a thumbwheel volume adjustment.

As apprentices we asked for items in the following manner.:-

1 Proceed to stores window and whisper " give us a new cold chisel Charlie " -- Rapid turns on thumbwheel

2 Whisper even quieter same phrase. -- More rapid twirling of thumbwheel and tapping of earpiece.

3 Mouth phrase without sound.

4 Run like hell down the corridor with something thrown off the counter following you at great speed and Charlie bellowing obscenities in the background . Charlie used to keep various suitable missiles on the counter , 1" BSW nuts being a favourite I recall.

Gawd help you if you were sent back to stores for something else the same day.!

I'm surprised that no-one remembers being sent for 'green oil for the starboard lamp'.

And just in case anyone is interested, I own a metric adjustable spanner. Honest.

Regards, Tim

Tim,

I once discussed metrication with an American who couldn't agree that a 1 inch diameter steel bar was also 25.4 mm across, or that you could produce metric items on an Imperial lathe. See upcoming Club News 4542.

Geoff

Or what about one spanner I'v seen, double ended with a Crescent type head on each end.

Ian S C

Hullo all,I am really enjoying this roundup of entertaining times past ! In the 1960's as a young mechanic sometimes hubcaps would become loose or squeaky. With a straight face a youngster would be sent to the stores for a replacement Constant Mesh Hubcap. At another main dealer for Rover cars,I was told of a very fussy customer when arriving to collect his car would first walk right around looking at the hubcap. Each one had the trademark Viking ship on & had to be exactly upright. If not,a mechanic was summoned to jack up each wheel to get things correct. Any explanation that one mile down the road they would be completely out of sync was always dismissed as nonsense.Happy days.

As a cadet I was 'down below' - in the engine room, when a deck cadet came down asking if I knew where the tank holding the green oil for the starboard light was. I told him that it was right up there with the tank for the red oil for the port light and the white oil for the stern light - "ah, he said, you didn't fall for that one". I had seen through that one even though I was a first-tripper!

I later did 6 months in a London ship repairers company. The apprentice in the fitting shop asked me if I had any metal glue. Why I asked? He had a motor scooter (it was mid 1960's) and had drilled holes in the exhaust to make it sound "more roarty", but one hole was blowing onto his leg and he wanted to glue it up. No I said, don't have any, but ask the shop foreman, he might. So he did. The foreman sent him down to the stores with a chitty for some 'metal glue for fixing exhaust pipe holes' and for a 6ft struggling bar as well.

A nice revived thread!

When I was a Sgt Radar Mechanic the storeman gave me some paperwork for an annual inspection of the rotary converters that took the 415V 3-phase input to an electric motor which drove a generator to give the required voltage 3-phase output for U.S. equipment. The nameplate said - Motor Generator/Rotary Converter/3-Phase.

Feeling a bit mischieveous I told him that a complete inspection would require a 20L drum of 3 stroke fuel so that we could test it when no mains input power was available.

I explained that it contained a rotary engine which had 3 lobes, so it actually was a 3 stroke engine - but as the same fuel was used in the Army's Pilatus Turbo Porter aircraft he might try the Army Aviation Regiment.

About 2 weeks later I was called into the Captain's office (an engineer) - he was annoyed but smiling as apparently this request had travelled right up the supply chain and he got an angry phone call from a senior officer in Canberra suggesting where I stick my 3 stroke fuel. The storeman never forgave me.

In the same unit, a Gunner asked another RAEME storeman for a left-handed tap as he had burred a wheel nut from his Valiant car (they actually used left hand thread wheel nuts on one side of the vehicle).

Storeman offered to give him a parallel tap and said that it depends on which way you turn it but this Gunner was not that silly so then he asked for a normal r/h tap and said that he would tap the nut from the other side to make it a l/h nut.

All perfectly true!

* Danny M *

Edited By Danny M2Z on 14/07/2016 08:46:59

Not that long ago my son was doing his apprenticeship at a joinery workshop and was sent to get a new bubble for a spirit level so went to the local shop bought some sweets are then and gave the empty blown up bag with the top twisted closed to the guy who had sent him, the recipient opened the bag shook it and complained it was empty so my lad said that he had spilt the bubbles and demanded loudly he paid for them, producing the cash receipt for the sweets. As everyone had heard they forced the guy to pay. Angus never had another joke played on him

Paul M