Christmas Cracker Jokes

Why is Santa not allowed in his workshop?
Elf and Safety issues.

How does Santa keep his garden free of weeds?

He uses a Hoe, Hoe, Hoe

Merry Christmas and happy New Year to Everyone.

Howard

What do sheep think of Xmas?

Baa humbug

What is Father Christmas’s wife called?

Merry Christmas

Hi, one I read to other day.

Why can't Penguins fly?

Because they are not tall enough to be pilots.

Regards Nick.

Penguins can't fly because they are as non-aerodynamic as Kit-Kats.

.

... I'll get my coat.

.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

What is Santa's phone number - O O O

Heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper that sold his soul to Santa

What did the mechanical frog say?

Rivet, rivet

Which is the most difficult composers work to find in a music shop?

Haydn

I can count the number of accidents I've had in the workshop on the fingers of one hand.

Two!

Many a true word spoken in jest.

What did the drummer call his daughters ?

Anna one .. Anna two..

What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?

Hose A and Hose B

Edited By Grindstone Cowboy on 25/12/2022 21:38:11

Why was the snow man rummaging around through the vegetables?

He was picking his nose.

Ahh but yes they can. My brother inlaw told me when he was serving down on the Falkland islands that they do when they stand on a land mine.

That may not be a handicap. A friend of mine, who was a member of the local model aeroplane club, entered a chuck-glider competition with a brick, to which he had added two stubby wings and a smily face.

He came second, much to the annoyance of the serious competitors.

George

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

How many reindeer does Sant have? Two.

Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, who has a very shiney nose. And Olive, the other reindeer.

Oh no! I've spelt Santa wrong. That means no prezzies for me next year, so no need to be a good boy then?