Christmas Cracker Jokes .. and similar

One from this morning's paper...

What will the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?

Put on a super spread...

Mary had an iron cow

She milked it with a spanner

The milk came out in shilling tins

And small ones for a tanner

Why does Santa come down the chimney?

Because it soots him!

Posting from Triumph Sport Six Car club.

[This posting has been removed]

My most useless Christmas present from last Christmas:

A 2020 wall planner

Knock Knock

who's there?

little old lady

little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel

London Zoo announced the birth of a new panda, who will be named Michael.

Why does the Indian cricket team not have to go into isolation?

Because they can't catch anything that comes from a bat.

How does Father Christmas dig his garden so quickly?

He uses a Hoe Hoe Hoe

I'll get my coat!

Howard

What do you get if you cross a burger with a cheetah?

Fast Food!

Bazyle,

I'm still trying to get my head round this one.

George B.

George I was just taking the Mick(ey)

Bing Crosby said to David Bowie: "My inflatable rubber bottom has gone flat"

David: "Then you must borrow my rubber bum pump"

Bing: "Rubber bum pump?"

David: "Rubber bum pump"

Well, it made the kids laugh...

Thanks Bazyle - I'll try to keep up.

Grindstone Cowboy (I wish I'd thought of that!):

Q: What was the world's first inflatable sailing boat?

A: The Rubber Yacht of Omar Khayyam.

George B.

.

Silly me ... I presumed that you had simply omitted a comma

”London Zoo announced the birth of a new panda, who will be named, Michael.”

would have made reasonable grammatical sense

[ but would still not be funny ]

MichaelG.

MichaelG. and George B Try Panda Mick ( pandemic ?)

Roy

Thanks Roy, it had me baffled, but now I like it

.

Sorry folks ... being a Michael, who does not answer to Mick or Mike, I missed it completely

MichaelG.

Hi, what does a Snowperson wear on their head?

Answer; an Ice cap.

Regards Nick.